NOWHERE TO GO

The negative effects of the pandemic are many and serious. Apart from the thousands who have died or become ill, others have lost earnings or jobs, while entire sectors have been blighted. Meanwhile, the entire population has seen freedoms curtailed due to mobility restrictions, face masks are the norm, and social interaction is at its lowest ebb ever. In fact, it’s hard to find any aspect of society that hasn’t been touched by the pandemic, however unimportant, as I found out.

I had two appointments in Barcelona, one early and the other to be determined. I went into the capital hoping I wouldn’t have to hang around all day waiting for the second person I had to meet to let me know when they would be free. The first meeting went off without a hitch, and I took the opportunity to go to the bathroom before leaving. With time to kill, I got a coffee from a bar that was closed, of course, but was serving takeaways. Although I had to wait, I was content sitting in the sun, sipping my coffee and doing some work on my laptop. Nevertheless, it took an hour for me to get the call I was waiting for, and I’d had another coffee in the meantime. We were to meet in the city centre at 12, but I decided to make my way over there on my motorbike.

I got there with half an hour spare and realised I could do with another trip to the bathroom. Then it dawned on me that the bars were closed. Surely they wouldn’t mind me using the toilet? But the places where I asked had their interiors taped off and I was turned away. I asked a policeman if there were any public toilets nearby and he said there weren’t, adding that I shouldn’t get any ideas about going behind a rubbish bin in the street.

Thanks for your help, officer, I thought as, starting to get a bit desperate, I wandered around looking for anywhere that might meet my needs. I found nothing, and by now my appointment was due. I comforted myself thinking that I could go in the place where we were to meet, but to my horror the person I had to talk to told me they hadn’t brought the keys to the premises, and would it be okay to sit on a bench in the square? I said yes. In fact, I said yes to everything, hoping to keep the meeting as short as possible. I’d have given them my credit card password if it had meant I could get away sooner.

After what seemed like hours but was only 15 minutes, we bumped elbows and I was left in the middle of the square calculating how long it would take to walk to a department store up the road compared to getting on my bike, which was parked right there, and making it to the motorway service station. I decided on the latter, and with no time to waste began putting on my biking gear in what seemed like slow motion. Lifting my leg to get on the bike was agony.

I was in a part of Barcelona I knew well, and so I decided to take a shortcut that would get me to the motorway five minutes quicker. Yet, just metres away from it I ran into roadworks, the road was closed and the one-way system forced me all the way around. Every traffic light was red, and through weeping eyes I scanned my surroundings hoping to see a public toilet, perhaps a petrol station, or anywhere I could relieve myself without getting arrested.

Eventually, numb below the waist, I was on the motorway and going as fast as I could get away with so as to get to the service station before suffering inevitable humiliation. I must have gone into a trance, because I can’t remember the details of the ride, just that I was suddenly pulling into the car park. Who knows, I may have even left the keys in the ignition. I ran to the main building in a sort of half crouch and – thank the heavens – was finally able to resolve my situation. Afterwards, I realised I still had my motorbike helmet on.

As I said, the negative effects of Covid are terrible and make my pandemic-related problem pale by comparison. I’d just ask the authorities one thing: next time you force a closure, could you please spend some of my tax money on more public toilets?